You’re really going to do that? You’re really going to start being nicer and more caring now? You make me laugh seriously. I was sitting there alone..wanting to someone to be there. Every time I told you my problems, you were only there for five minutes. I told you a problem and you had the audacity to compare your life to mine. My mom..she’s trying to be nicer. Fuck that. Because I know she doesn’t have a good heart. My siblings..they never really changed. They’re still the same. Mean. Me. I was once nice. I feel like a person that has never known the meaning of kindness. This time. It’s different. It’s not like before where I would not be able to feel anything but pain and sadness. Now, what I really feel right now is nothing. Like nothing hurts anymore. And it makes me somewhat happy it happened. Because that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to hurt anymore and now I’m just not hurting now. So thanks society..after all, the crappy life you gave me..I’ve turned into a heartless person. No feelings whatsoever. Next thing I want is a new start. Can someone do that for me? No one understands where I’m coming from and that’s the problem. I kinda just want to be alone for a little awhile. No friends, no family, just me. I don’t want to look anyone in the eye anymore. It disgusts me.

Studies show that people who cuss more tend to be more trustworthy? I don’t believe that. Because the ones I know who cuss large amounts, I would never have thought to even trusted. Because they’re the ones with the biggest mouths. Don’t know how to keep their mouth shut. I only cuss when I’m angry and that’s like I don’t know 95% of the time. Lol I have a bad temper, but it’s only when I’m like super angry. So maybe 75%? If that helps..you’d be surprised at how many things make me mad. People don’t know I get angry a lot. That’s because I know how to hide it. Because I don’t like to just yell at everything. I like to sort of keep it to myself. But sometimes I just can’t keep it in.

My friends says,”You’re such a sweet and honest person. You’re amazing.”
I’ve been starting to get that a lot now. You never really said as much as you do now. It makes no sense.
Me? I say,”The sweet person is tired of being sweet. Because every time she is, people like to take advantage of her kindness. I’m still that honest person. Just not as nice as I used to be.” I may have some kindness left of me but other than that, there really isn’t much. My friends see me different. My family sees me different. I see me different. Strangers see me different. All of us have different interpretations of me. Which one am I? I don’t know. Only I understand me though. Because I have never found someone who was able to feel the way I do yet. At least that’s what I think.

Apparently, you know my life better than I do. Okay. Let me just sit back and take notes then.

It’s not that I don’t want your help. You say you will always give it to me but in the end..you’re practically no help at all. You don’t exactly understand where I’m coming from.

Why do I always have that feeling that you’re lying to me? You’re not the only one. I’ve had so many people lie to me. I don’t even know who to trust anymore.

I’m sitting here. Trying to avoid homework as much as possible. I’m working on it now since I have to do it eventually. :/ but then I realize I have to go through 10 11 years of college and medical school. I’m just like..I’m going to be struggling like bad! Lol

I wonder just how far people will go into being reluctant to listen to victim. Oh so you believe what you saw and you believe what other people said..but you never asked me. Okay. Makes sense.(sarcasm for okay. Makes sense. If you didn’t notice.)

I don’t like that. I said I didn’t. Why do you keep saying I do? I wonder sometimes.

I’m making you guys look like liars? Maybe because you did lie to me. I’m not making up stuff. Promise.